08.30.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:40 pm by Administrator
I started my new job today. For those of you who think that being an author is a glamorous job, think again. It isn’t a job. Unless you appear on Richard & Judy or Oprah, chances are you’re still working the coalface every day.
Or in my case the chalkface.
It was like the first day of school. Oh wait! It was the first day of school. But instead of being the nervous new kid, I was the pathetically similarly and much older version, a nervous new teacher.
I have a plan on these kinds of days. As throwing up was not an option (unprofessional), I resorted to the trusty “try not to speak to anyone and then you won’t make a complete ass of yourself” plan.
I have a theory that later they will get to know me, when I’m less likely to blurt out something like, “Hey, once I tried to staple-gun my finger to the desk!” Which by the way, is not true, but just the kind of thing that would come out of my mouth.
I also have a tendency to say really offensive things I don’t even mean when nervous like, “I could never live in this area, it’s too (insert: polluted, pretentious).” This is inevitably followed by someone saying, “I live two doors down. My family not only own every house in the neighbourhood, they actually built them.”
Incidentally, everyone at my new school was very nice. They were so lovely.
And maybe one day soon, I’ll even start speaking to them.
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08.27.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:48 am by Administrator
Michigan summers have to be one of the most delicious things in the world. The humidity carries up the smells of the fresh water lakes and the neighbours’ BBQs. I can even ignore the mosquitoes and the muck after it rains. It is lovely.
I stayed at my best friend’s parent’s house on one of the gazillion (actual number) of gorgeous lakes that dot our state. Not Lake Svoboda – that’s their name, but wouldn’t it be great if the lake were named after them? They must be the nicest, most accommodating people in the world. This isn’t the first time they put my husband and me up while we were back visiting family.
During my wedding they housed me, my husband (to be – now just straight husband), his brother, his best man, another groomsman and also just another random friend who’d flown in. Not only that, they took us out, fed us and generally took care of us.
What lovely people. Michigan summers wouldn’t be complete without an extended family like the Svoboda’s taking you under their wing. Bless ‘em.
Typically, I didn’t take a single picture of this stunning house and lake. But I’ve attached a photo that I stole from someone else’s website that kind of does the experience justice.
Real photo now attached. Again, typically I didn’t take it. But it is gorgeous. I have little fantasies during the day – usually while preparing for the massive amount of work I have ahead in my new school – lovely little fantasies of spending whole weeks wrapped inside that house, writing with a view over looking the lake.
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08.13.07
Posted in reviews at 11:26 pm by Administrator
The Jewish Chronicle wrote a very nice article about me in last Friday’s newspaper.
I’m in the States. So how do I know this?
My cousin told me obviously! That’s how it works in Jewish families.
The article says my book, “offers realistic yet amusing advice for brides-to-be.” I don’t know how good the advice can be when you weren’t so hot at your own wedding planning, but I’ll take the compliment anyway.
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08.08.07
Posted in reviews at 9:12 pm by Administrator
An okay book review: adequate, reasonable, blah.
An OK! review: “When Bernie announces she’s engaged, she believes her wedding will be a dream come true. But she is soon coping with the reality of pushy mums, cakes and big white dresses! A witty, sparkling read.”
Four stars outta five!
I sound excited now, but at the time I was so nervous about what it would say that I made my husband read it first. The same review also appears in Star Magazine. Two magazines, one review. Yes, I was just a bit nervous about it.
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08.03.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 6:56 pm by Administrator
This morning one of the The Today Programme’s honoured guests was my publisher Snowbooks. Emma Barnes, who has to be the nicest woman in publishing, was on debating book covers with the author Fay Weldon.
Incredibly, everyone who works for Snowbooks takes each of their books/babies through from draft to completion including the designs themselves. They see book covers as advertisements, a concept I fully agree with. Emma’s company not only publishes the best in new literature today (and of course I’m not saying that because I’m on their list), but they also design book covers for other companies.
Fay Weldon, on the other hand, feels she could contribute much to the designs of her book covers. She should start publishing with Snowbooks! They’d listen to her.
Coincidentally, I am meeting Famous Fay tomorrow when she hands out the awards at the writing residential program I have been stationed at for the past week.
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07.12.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:45 pm by Administrator
Helloooooo Bestseller List!
It’s amazing what you can do with too much time on your hands and a camera phone.
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07.03.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:18 pm by Administrator
It takes a certain kind of contempt for women, to imagine that they are interested in watching Gillian McKeith batter, as Channel 4 describes, “three bulging brides-to-be in desperate need of her help.”
Of course there is a delicious twist in her new show ‘Three Fat Brides and One Thin Dress’. Besides enduring her revolting pulses and seeds’ diet, not to mention her relentless pressure and army sergeant nature, in this series ”she’s upped the ante by making the brides compete for the wedding dress of their dreams.”
“Making.” Another word for forcing.
McKeith and the producers would say these women have a choice. The choice being: when offered the wedding dress of her dreams, worth thousands of pounds, which she could never afford let alone fit in and the chance to look like a princess, that bride could always say, “no”.
There is something truely revolting about making women compete for this dream.
McKeith used to call herself a doctor in all her advertising. She based this on a correspondence course from a non-accredited American college. After being taken to the Advertising Standards Authority, she dropped the title.
I find it ironic that part of her shtick is examining poo.
Ms McKeith: Stay away from brides. They don’t need your help. They are stressed enough. They don’t need to drop three dress sizes in order to be the perfect bride. And they definitely don’t need to fight fellow brides to achieve this fantasy.
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07.02.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:28 pm by Administrator
I sent my book out to an editor at ‘You & Your Wedding Magazine’ last week. There is a chance that I’ll be writing an article for them later in the year.
I checked out their web site today and a couple of brides listed me on the forum as a must read! I’m top of loislane’s honeymoon book list! The book just hit the shops and so far I’ve only had feedback from my friends and family (and they are bound by law to like it).
So thank you to loislane. Whether she enjoys my book or not, the honeymoon is bound to be spectacular. After all, she is marrying Superman.
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06.24.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:19 pm by Administrator
Question: What is one aisle over from the potatoes and near issues of Heat?
Answer: My book!
My weekly shop has offically moved from dull to thrilling. Sainsbury’s is going to make a load of cash off me this month while it carries my book as part of its summer book promotion. I plan on driving completely out of my way to buy the most incidental products several times per week in the hope I might catch someone grabbing my book and throwing it in their trolley.
For those of you who haven’t bought it, Sainsbury’s price point is seriously low. A great opportunity if you haven’t gotten hold of the book yet. See photo for ridiculous grin and details.
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06.19.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:29 am by Administrator
I love when wedding couples are surveyed. The results are inevitably optimistic. Recently http://www.weddingchaos.co.uk (it’s even in the website’s name and STILL the results were positive) asked 1000+ readers whether they would use a wedding planner or not. 51% said no.
One respondent said, “….wedding planners are a good idea, but I am not using one myself as I like the stress and pressure”.
That’s brilliant. A lie, but brilliant.
The truth is, and the survey confirmed this, couples don’t use wedding planners because they think professional assistance will be too expensive or they think a planner will meddle too much.
If I had it to do over, I would use at least six wedding planners. In fact, one saving grace of my wedding was the wedding planner at our venue. She had this incredible talent of making people do things and be pleased they did.
On the other hand, she didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to. I loved her. Until her, no one listened to anything I said. I don’t know how she did it. The woman was a genius.
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